geeKeWL

Interview: Esther Petrack - Revelations

2010-12-03T02:00:00.008-05:00

To say that the reality show America’s Next Top Model has spawned some interesting characters over its 15 “cycle” run is probably an understatement. One of the latest personalities to come out of this franchise is an unlikely contender in the form of a religious Jew with a body that is more Playboy than runway. These outward contradictions have been the subjects of debate and criticism ever since her first appearance on the show. geeKeWL caught up with Esther to get her side of the story and her thoughts on modeling, being different, and growing up.

geeKeWL: Without cheating, if you had to guess what the more popular Google search terms are when searching for your name, would you guess it’s about your religion or your breast size?

Esther Petrack: Probably religion actually. Should we test this now?

Esther Petrack: I was very wrong

geeKeWL: Interesting - right? So why do you think it’s more popular?

Esther Petrack: Yeh it is. I mean, being honest: more people notice breast sizes than religion. All different types of people might be interested in that. Probably not that many non-religious Jews are particularly interested in the state of my soul.

geeKeWL: What do you think people are hoping to find when searching for that?

Esther Petrack: I have no idea. Maybe find out if it's a real size? For lots of people it's also probably just hoping to find pictures.

geeKeWL: Does it weird you out? That it’s sort of your "claim to fame”?

Esther Petrack: Yeah, it is weird. I mean, I knew it would be a topic. At auditions, Michelle Mock (the casting director), made me tell her my size, and she did a double take when I told her. So yeah, I figured out they would make the TV.

geeKeWL: What about before that, when you were thinking of applying to be on the show. Did it even cross your mind that it would be a topic of interest?

Esther Petrack: I didn't really think about it when auditioning, but once I thought of my chest I realized that I was the only girl in the whole audition room who actually needed a bra. Then I realized it would be a point about me that would make them take me or reject me. I thought it might tip the scales, I just didn't know in which direction.

geeKeWL: Do you have a hard time find bras?

Esther Petrack: Yes I do. There is one store in Israel that has bras that I can buy. Apart from that, I have never entered a real store with my size.

geeKeWL: Are they fashionable or just boring grandma bras?

Esther Petrack: Some are boring and useful but some are actually really pretty, with flowers and everything.

geeKeWL: That’s cool. It’s important to feel sexy.

Esther Petrack: It is.

geeKeWL: In general are you one of those girls who usually wears frilly lacey underwear or do you usually go with "useful?"

Esther Petrack: Useful, but colorful. Comfort is a huge plus for anything.

geeKeWL: Why do you think some girls will sacrifice comfort for style, even when no one can see their underwear?

Esther Petrack: Because you feel pretty and YOU know it's there. Others don't really matter that much, you dress for yourself. So, you also pick underwear for yourself.

geeKeWL: So you don’t need fancy underwear to feel pretty, you feel pretty even in plain stuff?

Esther Petrack: It depends on the clothes.

geeKeWL: Being a woman is so complicated... I don’t envy it!

Esther Petrack: Haha.

geeKeWL: So, speaking of being self-conscious: what was your middle/high school experience like considering your size? Did you try to hide it?

Esther Petrack: Oh lord. Middle and high school... Well I was always taller than everyone and physically didn’t fit in already. So it was really just another way in which I was awkward.

geeKeWL: Did kids pick on you for the height?

Esther Petrack: I guess. I was just taller and thinner and had a different body than all the other girls, so it was definitely something noticed by people but I hear horror stories about other girls and I didn't really have that many horror stories. It was more… discomfort.

geeKeWL: So to cope with the discomfort did you actively try to hide what you could? It’s hard to hide height but other things are more concealable, right?

Esther Petrack: Yeah I tried to hide what I could, but sometimes it's harder than you would think. You learn tricks, like slouching. I've noticed that people who were tall as kids tend to slouch as adults and girls with bigger chests tend to slouch so I'm working on my posture right now.

geeKeWL: Pobably due to back issues…

Esther Petrack: Yeah, but it also hides what you have a bit. My friend is only 5'6 and she has terrible posture because she grew before others and was always self-conscious about being tall.

geeKeWL: It is interesting how the things that happen to us as "kids" shape us as adults - even something so trivial as when one started to grow.

Esther Petrack: Doesn't Freud say that how we act towards the opposite gender as adults is really acting out on childhood sexuality? It really controls everything about us, how we grow up.

geeKeWL: A lot of his theories go back to childhood experiences. Speaking of which, how would you rate your childhood? I know you come from a religious home, but generally speaking.

Esther Petrack: I don't know how I would rate my childhood. For all intents and purposes, it wasn't bad. Roof over head, food in stomach, clothes on back, etc. My family moved around a lot.

geeKeWL: Makes it hard to have stable friends, right?

Esther Petrack: Yeah. And that was a bit hard for me, because once I got good friends who I liked, we left, and then I would feel uncomfortable in the new place. It would be hard for me to make friends again because culturally, socially, and sometimes even linguistically I just didn't fit in - or at least didn't feel like I fit in.

geeKeWL: So, since you've probably developed a way to cope with not having tons of friends or fitting in like everyone else - would you call yourself a loner at heart?

Esther Petrack: I do love my alone time, but I don't think I'm a loner at heart. I'm just a bit shy around people at first. I simply need a bit of warm up time. I need to let down trust walls and then I'm fine. I love my friends and being social and spending time with them. It just takes a bit to be really comfortable.

geeKeWL: If you had to choose between hanging out with friends or doing something at home alone which would you pick? I feel like you're getting one of those personality tests on the internet now.

Esther Petrack: Friends. Hands down.

Esther Petrack: Haha so true, like the Facebook quizzes.

geeKeWL: Which are all insanely silly!

Esther Petrack: I know. Except my friend just took a "Which character are you from Harry Potter?" quiz and the answer was a full paragraph long and it was scarily accurate.

geeKeWL: I've never understood those "which character" are you quizzes though. Let's say the quiz pegs you correctly, now what do you do with the answer it gave you? Do you try out to be in the next movie? :)

Esther Petrack: I think you just feel really cool for 1 minute.

geeKeWL: If you could take any Facebook quiz, like on any subject or topic, what would it be?

Esther Petrack: I have to admit, I'm a sucker for the "Which character/person are you from ...." quizzes.

geeKeWL: You wouldn’t want to find out when you are getting married? Or how much money you’ll make? Or anything crazy like that?

Esther Petrack: Oh that's true, or the ones that tell you how you die.

geeKeWL: Would you want to know that stuff?

Esther Petrack: No, It takes out all the surprise out of life if you actually know.

geeKeWL: True, I guess some people just want to know and that’s why they take the quizzes? Or perhaps it’s just boredom. I wonder if anyone really believes there is anything of value in those quizzes.

Esther Petrack: Boredom seems like a better explanation

geeKeWL: Boredom is why people do a lot of things online... like searching for your cup size!

Esther Petrack: This is true.

geeKeWL: Going back to your high school years and being different:
You've said that part of the reason you got into modeling is your stature/build. Now that you've seen some of the struggles a model with your bust size has in the fashion modeling world do you still think you're "built for modeling?"

Esther Petrack: Not really. I mean, I make the height requirement and the weight one (although I am a bit bigger than many models, who are size 0) but I do have a chest size which doesn't really appear in modeling - though I do fit into sample sizes. I know it will limit me.

geeKeWL: In recent interviews you say that you want to continue pursuing modeling and travel the world, etc. Do you still feel that way?

Esther Petrack: Yeah I do. You know, see where the day takes you.

geeKeWL: Basically you're saying that even with the struggles it presents you that you want to see it through.

Esther Petrack: Yes. I can't really imagine having gone through Top Model and the aftermath and all that craziness for nothing.

geeKeWL: Is part of the reason you want to continue with it because you went through the ANTM experience and you feel like it would have been a "waste" or do you have a passion for it?

Esther Petrack: No, I really do have a passion for it inside. I just don't really get people who went through the gauntlet that is ANTM and its aftermath and then just stop or give up or whatever. But maybe I'm just saying that because my aftermath was so much more than usual.

geeKeWL: By "aftermath" you mean all the controversy about you and your religion?

Esther Petrack: Yeah. It is a bit weird to Google your name and see "esther petrack 30g."

geeKeWL: You are definitely one of the more unique contestants from throughout the years.

Esther Petrack: Yeah and it's funny because i have such a different backstory yet I am barely aired on the show.

geeKeWL: I guess people spotted something/someone interesting and latched on to it for the controversy. People love that stuff, gossip/drama/etc.

Esther Petrack: It's part of the show.

geeKeWL: Part of all "reality TV."

Esther Petrack: For sure.

geeKeWL: Speaking of the drama - in an interview you said at first when you saw all the critical opinions of a "religious Jew on Top Model" you wanted people to like you and cared about everyone’s opinions but over time have learned to ignore the negativity and live your life the way you want to. Do you think that the whole experience has jaded you as a person? Maybe made you tougher? Has it changed your personality?

Esther Petrack: I think it has jaded me to a certain point. I used to be a much more "if he has the right intentions, he's ok" type of person but now I really do see how much actions speak louder than words, and that counts for me too. I know Top Model isn't for everyone, let alone someone from the religious world but some of the negative criticism from the show had gotten to me. Then I said to myself: "this is ridiculous; I'm not going to destroy myself over what my high school teacher, who saw me once a week, thinks about me."

geeKeWL: So do you think this whole process of "hardening" is what growing up is all about? Deciding what is and isn’t important.

Esther Petrack: Yeah, it is growing up. The show just pushed it to an extreme.

geeKeWL: It sped up the process for you…

Esther Petrack: Yes, and sometimes I wish that hadn't happened.

geeKeWL: A little traumatized?

Esther Petrack: A smidge, probably. I've even developed this extra sense of knowing when people are looking at me and recognize me from the show, because it's a very specific look, and I'm 99% right and I wish that wasn't the case.

geeKeWL: So you can tell when someone is staring at you?

Esther Petrack: Yeah, but it's more subtle than that. They turn their back to me a "stretch" several times - something like that.

geeKeWL: You've gained a superhero power!

Esther Petrack: I know, the CIA should employ me!

geeKeWL: Let’s say you walk into a store, someone notices you from the show, but they don’t want you to know that they did. They will try to sneak peeks without you noticing - but you notice anyway?

Esther Petrack: Yep

geeKeWL: Is it flattering, or just creepy?

Esther Petrack: Flattering at first, creepy after a while - but they're nice people. All (or almost all) my fans have been really cute and great, it's just a weird thing for me.

geeKeWL: The newfound fame is still something you're getting used to.

Esther Petrack: Yeah. On my way to school today these 2 Chinese girls and guys recognized me and talked to me in broken English and that was really cool, but still crazy. It's things like that.

geeKeWL: You know, it’s weird for fans too. To see someone they watch on TV in person. There’s no "good" way to approach the person, even though you really want to.

Esther Petrack: Oh yeah I know, and so we all end up nervously laughing for 10 seconds when we start talking

geeKeWL: Have you ever been on the other side? Seeing a celebrity you're a huge fan of?

Esther Petrack: No, sad life.

geeKeWL: Aww…

Esther Petrack: In France, my mom and grandmother saw Gerard Depardieu in a market, but they (and everyone there) refused to say "hi" because the French are apparently above liking celebrities and recognizing them.

geeKeWL: Kind of like New Yorkers. We pride ourselves on not getting excited about celebs.

Esther Petrack: Really? I guess it’s the whole "We're too good to bother him, he is just a normal person and it would be ridiculous to think otherwise. I'm not going to be that asshole who bothers him while he's shopping."

geeKeWL: Thats definitely very similar to the "true NY’er" thinking - plus I bet every person who lives in France has seen him at least once or twice anyway! He’s like the quintessential French celebrity.

Esther Petrack: There are actually lots more from where he came from. France has its own celebrity order. It's always funny to see Cannes Festival pictures because it's usually just the biggest American celebrities and then there are all of the celebrities from French reality shows and things like that. Kinda like seeing Snooki at the Oscars next to Helen Mirren.

geeKeWL: That’s. a really interesting way to look at it. She hasn’t been at the Oscars yet has she?

Esther Petrack: I don't know, I hope she makes it there though.

geeKeWL: Really? So you're antiestablishment then.

Esther Petrack: No, I just love Snooki

geeKeWL: Does she know?

Esther Petrack: I don't know.

geeKeWL: I don't think your family will approve Esther…

Esther Petrack: For one of my high school classes the teacher wanted us to submit papers using nicknames to make sure he graded fairly. There were literally fights over "Snooki." In my class alone three different people chose her but then they changed to "J-Woww" and "The Situation" so I got Snooki in the end.

geeKeWL: Wow, she has a huge fanbase.

Esther Petrack: I know, we had a whole underground GTL club.

geeKeWL: What did you guys do in this club, dress up and reenact scenes from the show?

Esther Petrack: We just talked about last night's episode.

geeKeWL: I have to admit... I’ve never watched it.

Esther Petrack: Really? You’ve missed out

geeKeWL: It’s almost so popular now that I feel like I should just let it pass. It will never be the same.

Esther Petrack: Yeah, we pride ourselves in having loved the show before it was so huge.

geeKeWL: So, what celebrity would you want to meet if you had the chance? (beside Snooki!)

Esther Petrack: Hmm, I really don't know. I just would hope the person would be nice because you always hear stories of mean celebrities.

Esther Petrack: Who would you pick?

geeKeWL: Well I’ve met a few...

Esther Petrack: Whom have you met?

geeKeWL: I’ve met Sarah Silverman twice.

Esther Petrack: Is she nice? She always seemed a bit dramatic for me.

geeKeWL: Fairly nice. Nicer than her "persona." I guess she is dramatic. It’s sort-of her “thing.”

Esther Petrack: Yeah her persona is not the kindest person.

geeKeWL: Hey, it’s what gets the laughs. As a religious Jew, how does that make you feel? She’s Jewish but raunchy and controversial. Do you frown upon it or whatever works for her?

Esther Petrack: Whatever works for her - I mean, the show isn't exactly my thing but that's just personalities.

geeKeWL: You seem pretty "liberal" for someone who calls themselves religious... on the whole.

Esther Petrack: I think that what I do is what I do. I can respect my religion to a level where I'm comfortable and still not de blinded by it.

geeKeWL: I know you're young, still growing up, deciding who you are and how you will live your life but do you think it’s fair to call yourself Orthodox even though you're pretty liberal when it comes to religion? What is your motivating factor to stay religious? Is it your parents or does it have a deeper meaning for you?

Esther Petrack: I usually call myself just "religious" at this point. I actually love Judaism. I grew up with academics and emphasis on thought and I can relate to many things in the religion. I really like how it's an active religion, where it's not just a religious leader who tells you what to do, but you also have a responsibility to learn and delve into texts etc. yourself. Of course the fact that I was raised with it makes it easier for me. It's a bit hard to grow up without the Sabbath and then start doing it, and stop using electricity etc. on Saturdays as an adult. Being out of my parent's house I could stop practicing, but I genuinely like it. It's interesting to me and it enriches my life, you could say.

As far as being "Orthodox," there are lots of people who are completely religious and follow Jewish law and yet are open to the outside world and interact with/within it all the time. Some seclude themselves, but many are very open.

geeKeWL: I guess all the controversy came from you presenting yourself as being Orthodox and then not really following up on the "typical" things people know religious Jews to be.

Esther Petrack: Yes. For example, on the show I did not wear very modest clothes, and modesty is a value in Judaism. I think people were upset because they saw me a repelling everything I had grown up with while dragging them (religious ideals) in the mud.

geeKeWL: But you weren’t doing it for that reason.

Esther Petrack: Not at all. I did the show because I wanted to be a model but did not know how to start out. It's very easy to jump to conclusions and get angry.

geeKeWL: So many things are easy to get upset about - especially when you’re religious.

Esther Petrack: I think it's easy for everyone - it's just a different value system.

geeKeWL: You've said you want to continue modeling and will go wherever it takes to continue your career. I know that in Orthodox/traditional families there is a lot of importance placed on getting married and having a family early in life. With this conflict of interest what will win out in the end?

Esther Petrack: Well, considering I'm single and don't really think I've met the love of my life yet... I plan on getting married when I find someone who I'm sure I want to spend the rest of my life with. There isn't really a specific timeline set.

geeKeWL: Do you subscribe to the whole dating for marriage thing that a lot of Orthodox Jews follow? Or are you more liberal about that too?

Esther Petrack: I come from a Modern Orthodox community and some people go through the whole arranged dating for marriage program but people everywhere, not just in religious communities, sometimes get set up with guys (or girls) by friends. I'll admit it, deep down I'm a romantic at heart. Maybe I'll meet my husband when we bump into each other at Dunkin Donuts and I accidentally spill my coffee on him, maybe I'll be set up by a friend, who knows?

geeKeWL: You never know... but it sounds like you would prefer not to be set up by parents/family.

Esther Petrack: No, I just want to have a happy, healthy marriage. I guess it's like babies: as long as they're healthy, who really cares if it's a boy or a girl, right?

geeKeWL: Do you actively date? Or are you not thinking about that stuff right now?

Esther Petrack: Not really thinking about it right now. I don't really know who I would date. In my high school all my male friends who I was actually friends with were like my brothers, so that would be almost like incest.

geeKeWL: You could date your fans!

Esther Petrack: Hahah, of course!!

geeKeWL: Well if you dated now, in Israel, and found someone special, and then left for work it would be pretty challenging.

Esther Petrack: It would. It would suck.

geeKeWL: Do you think that, in the back of your mind, you know that and that’s why you kind of avoid doing the whole dating thing?

Esther Petrack: No, I just haven't met anyone who really would interest me in that way. Just nobody who I really would be happy to date - just kind of friends or random guys.

geeKeWL: Has it always been like that for you (in high school)?

Esther Petrack: No, in high school it was just that all my guy friends were like my brothers, it was just a different dynamic. I have had boyfriends before; I just want to go out with a guy because I want to, not just because it's what people my age should be doing or something.

geeKeWL: That is understandable. It’s tough in this day and age because people are dating younger and doing all kinds of other stuff younger too... if you know what i mean.

Esther Petrack: Yeah, my friend who has a sibling in middle school was saying that her sibling has a new girlfriend. I worked with kids in an inner-city school last year and they would say things and knew things I never came even close to knowing at that age.

geeKeWL: It’s a crazy world we live in!

Esther Petrack: And it's changing every day. Jeez we sound like grandparents! But it's true, especially with the internet everything is happening faster.

geeKeWL: It’s funny to think that the ones criticizing you for showing your bra/bikini top on TV are the old generation, then there’s your generation who’s showing it on TV, and then there are kids who wouldn’t even blink twice at seeing it on TV.

Esther Petrack: And who wouldn't blink twice at showing it either, constant evolutions I guess.

geeKeWL: Or devolution :-p

geeKeWL: So let's say you do land an amazing contract and start touring the world as a model, will going to school in the USA take a back seat to your career? Or will you try to balance both?

Esther Petrack: If I potentially landed an incredible contract with amazing opportunities and started touring the world, I don't know what I would do. I definitely want to go to college though and get at least a B.A., so think I would try to balance both. Maybe I would end up taking time off or deferring studies one more year but I would somehow finish my degree.

geeKeWL: What you want to study in college - any particular field you want to get into?

Esther Petrack: In college I think I want to study History, International History to be more specific (kind of like International Relations except for back in the day). I love seeing how different countries or historical regions interacted with each other, especially during the opening up of Asia/Far East-Europe relations in the Middle Ages and through the Renaissance.

geeKeWL: Do you have a dream job (aside from being a supermodel)?

Esther Petrack: I don't really know what I want to do. I guess just a job that makes me feel happy and fulfilled while letting me have other interests/activities and not taking over my life.

geeKeWL: Now for some softballs. What are some of your favorite websites?

Esther Petrack: Well, I do Facebook, like every other person my age it seems. Right now I'm applying to colleges in the US so commonapp.org is pretty big in my life. I also love Wikipedia.

geeKeWL: Any guilty pleasure websites? Like TMZ or something?

Esther Petrack: Wikipedia is much more fun than you'd think. You can even play Wikipedia tag where 2 people start with the same page and try to reach a totally different page by only clicking on links on the page.

geeKeWL: Does Wikipedia tag have a winner?

Esther Petrack: Whoever gets there first. It's all about thinking about creative connections.

geeKeWL: How does it work?

Esther Petrack: The starting and ending pages are static and you have to connect 2 totally separate things like socks and say, 16th century Italian literature. So you go from socks to clothes to textiles to fashion houses to Italy to Italian culture to Italian literature and end up at the end page. It's all about the random dots that connect.

geeKeWL: Sounds pretty awesome - are you the champion at it amongst your friends?

Esther Petrack: No, it constantly changes.

geeKeWL: I guess that’s what makes it a fun game, no one dominates.

Esther Petrack: Everyone has a shot!

geeKeWL: So, let’s say you land a huge contract with an international agency or brand. What would you do with your first big check? (Let’s say its 100 grand)

Esther Petrack: I would start a savings account and buy a ridiculously expensive bag, and/or coat and/or shoes. A really nice, expensive, probably designer bag that's nice to the touch and can fit lots of things. Oh, and my wallet is slowly falling apart so also a matching wallet. But, most of it in savings.

geeKeWL: How practical :-)

Esther Petrack: I know, I figured if I do the wise thing and mainly put it in savings then I can splurge and get an expensive, purely materialistic bag.

geeKeWL: You wouldn't be a model if you didn’t have a fancy bag! Gotta live the life a little bit.

Esther Petrack: Exactly.

geeKeWL: Switching topics completely. What's your experience with video games? Did you play them when you were younger? Do you play any games now? What are your favorite ones?

Esther Petrack: I actually never had video games because my mother didn't want them. I loved James Bond and my friend had a James Bond video game so occasionally when I was at her house we would play it, but my mother though video games would just make us waste our time so no video games for me. Ultimately though it was the right decision because sometimes I hear my friends talk about video games and it seems like they spent half their childhood sitting in front of a screen, making animated characters jump over mushrooms and dragons, while I was reading or drawing or doing fun childhood things. Now I like games like Text Twist or things like that, but the one that I really really love is Raft Wars. I have this friend with whom I used to always play Raft Wars in school and we would take turns shooting the baseballs at the other rafts, you should check it out. It's a really quality game.

geeKeWL: Will do! You sound like a truly down to earth person. Thanks for all your thoughtful answers Esther.

Esther Petrack: Oh well, thank you, so are you! Yay us!

A special thanks goes out to Esther for providing us with the awesome self-taken webcam shots you see throughout the interview of her making a "g" for geeKeWL.

The Winter Olympic Games Matrix

2010-02-23T00:13:00.009-05:00

Here we go again. By popular demand (don’t ask who just go along with it) here is the Winter Olympics version of the highly educational “Summer Olympic Games Matrix.” Lets run through why certain sports made it to certain places on the matrix shall we?

The way I see it anything above the center horizon line is worth watching on TV – and there’s a lot to watch during the winter Olympics. The most entertaining sport, to me, is virtually a tie between short track speed skating and ice hockey. If you’ve ever watched short track then you know how nerve-wracking it can be watching the athletes pass each other while skating at ridiculously tilted angles. It’s also quite dangerous; J.R. Celski almost killed himself with one of his blades last year! Then again hockey is also very exciting, especially at the Olympics – considering the caliber of players that are on the ice. Lots of aggression and lots of action but we forget that it’s also a dangerous sport: anyone remember this guy?

Other sports, like the snowboard half-pipe are entertaining but mostly because of the star-power associated with ‘em – Shuan White anyone? Alpine skiing definitely has some star-power behind it but generally speaking it really is a dangerous and entertaining sport to watch. Other snow-related sports, at least the ones involving turning on the ground tend to be pretty entertaining – mostly because of the simultaneous competitive nature of them. The air-based snow sports like ski jump and aerials, though dangerous, are kinda boring; nothing really happens and everyone’s run looks the same.

What about the other ice-themed sports like figure skating and luge/bobsled? Well, ice skating is definitely more entertaining because of the celebrity aspect of the sport – and a bit by the rivalries. Luge, skeleton, and bobsled are seemingly safe but as we know now no sport is foolproof. Even if an accident like the one from Vancouver has never happened before it doesn’t mean it can’t happen. But generally they are entertaining to watch because of the speed and, well, the speed!

What’s left? Ski-jumping is, as mentioned above, boring and the cross-country isn’t supposed to be exciting. The biathlon (the one with rifles) is only a bit more exciting because of the virtually nonexistent but possible death that could occur from one athlete perhaps pointing their rifle the wrong way and blowing their own head off. Has it ever happened? No. Could it? You never know.

For help deciphering the pictograms check out the official Vancouver Olympics page here.

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-08-24T19:00:00.001-04:00

Do you like to take turns? You know, gas pedal then brake pedal, then gas pedal again. How about when you were eleven, were you more likely to enjoy board games or games like Hungry Hungry Hippos? Well, read on to see if you’re the only one.

Which do you use more often to communicate?
E-mail (44.3%) or Text/instant message (55.7%)

So it isn’t too surprising that people prefer instant interaction versus the “turn-based” method of communication that e-mail provides. No, that isn’t a surprise to us since we’ve always considered e-mail sort of an over-hyped version of snail mail. What is shocking is the 6 random states that prefer it! Really, could there be a more arbitrary sampling of pink states on the results map? Maybe they need more time to think of responses in those states.

Lesson Learned: Conspiracy theories are still in play: what shape does it make if you connect all the pink states on a real map? Coincidence?

Do you remember your 11th birthday?
Yes (44.7%) or No (55.3%)

Um, no. Anyone who says yes is either lying, or had a really bad experience and remembers it. What is so special about becoming 11? Why would anyone have a memorable birthday? No, we aren’t jaded – just realistic!

Lesson Learned: Puerto Rico lies so hard.

When driving, which do you use more?
The gas pedal (79.9%) or The brake pedal (20.1%)

Well this is overwhelming now isn’t it. On one hand it’s nice to know that most people aren’t futzing around with their brake pedal. It’s there to stop you but when you see someone constantly riding it around every turn it makes us wonder where they learned how to drive – if at all. The other side is that maybe people are driving a little too fast? No? Maybe? Nah.

Lesson Learned: It would have been awesome if Florida was green. So awesome.

Green map, green map, pink map. Two to One. What? Oh we don’t keep track of stuff like that. We should though, shouldn’t we? It would be fun to just keep track of random statistics. Maybe we’ll do a random statistics roundup one day!

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-08-17T19:00:00.000-04:00

Messin’ with minds: a past-time here at geeKeWL and apparently a national sport in a country from this week’s EVC World Poll.

Feeding a dog from the table is . . .
A bad idea (63.5%) or Fun (36.5%)

Really Colorado? It’s not a bad idea to give your dog human food? And why is that? Is it the thin air that somehow makes it more acceptable? All the other states think it’s a bad idea but somehow you guys know the secret to feeding a dog from the table and not having it jump up on the table the next time you’re eating dinner. OK, ok, we don’t really know what we’re talking about here but it really does seem like a bad idea…

Lesson Learned: People in CO like dog drool in their SpaghettiO's®.

Do you know who is buried in Grant’s tomb?
Of course! (38.9%) or Huh? (61.1%)

Wait, what? 60% of people don’t know who is buried in Grant’s Tomb or is it that they’ve never heard of Grant’s Tomb? Isn’t this like the de facto question you ask someone to see if they are a complete moron? Isn’t this one of those “where do you bury the survivors?” types of questions? OK, so Grant isn’t really buried there, he’s entombed there, what the F. If Nintendo is going to play this game with us at least make both answers really obvious so we can infer something from the results. “Huh?” is not exactly a straightforward antithesis to “Of course!” so this question is kind of problematic from the get-go. Oh well.

Lesson Learned: Julia Boggs Dent was hot. OK, not really.

How do you feel about skydiving?
Sign me up! (51.3%) or No Way! (48.7%)

Well this was actually pretty close but the map is freakin’ hilarious. Apparently there’s a pocket of states near Kentucky that are totally against skydiving. CT and NJ are also wussies – along with NYC if it weren’t for the rest of the state we bet. Weird. Females are more scared than males – guess that is pretty normal. The pockets of green are really the curious statistic to come from these results, very interesting.

Lesson Learned: What happens if you’re skydiving and a tornado hits? You’re f**ked that’s what!

(World Poll) Do you like horror movies?
Yes (48.2%) or No (51.8%)

Yes! Woo! This one is good. Really, it is. OK, take a look: Japan is at the bottom of the “yes we like horror movies” list yet they are probably the largest exporter of such movies. Cowabunga mate! Why do their directors insist on making so many horror movies if the Japanese population doesn’t enjoy the genre? Seriously, someone make sense of this for us. On the flipside we have males outnumbering females by a solid margin on the enjoyment of such movies and that pretty much makes sense since everyone knows the best kind of movie to take a girl to see on a date is a horror movie… winky face!

Lesson Learned: Japanese people are messing with our minds!

There it is. This week was pretty blasé all in all but had its highlight moments. What the hell are we talking about? It’s just a bunch of EVC results not a blockbuster movie. Damn we are full of it over here aren’t we?

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-08-10T19:00:00.001-04:00

Random results. Do they bother you? They bother us! Well, not really, but this week the results maps were so polka-dotted that it made us scratch our heads and wonder what was going on. Can you figure it out? Read on.

How many books have you read in the last year?
Ten or fewer (51.8%) or More than ten (48.2%)

Wait, what? What’s a book? Hold on while we look this up. OK, so according to the Wikipedia entry: a book is a set or collection of written, printed, illustrated, or blank sheets, made of paper, parchment, or other material, usually fastened together to hinge at one side. So once again we are at a loss, what is paper or parchment? Paper is thin material mainly used for writing upon, printing upon or packaging. Thanks Wikipedia! Allrighty, so apparently you can write or print words on this paper substance and then glue it together and it becomes a book – radical. Insane!

Apparently quite a few states are in to this whole “reading books” thing: Washington, Idaho, Utah, Colorado, Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, Kansas, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Virginia, Maryland, Vermont, Rhode Island, and Alaska. Whew, that was a mouthful. Now not all of these states are synonymous with well read learned individuals, eh? Perhaps some of these states just don’t have the internet, or they have bad eyesight, or they’re afraid of getting bad eyesight, or in the case of Colorado – they think it’s hip to read books! Either way, these results were very interesting just because they ended up being so varied and random.

Lesson Learned: Females are silly. Really.

I give my pets . . .
People names (46.1%) or Silly names (53.9%)

Here we go with the names again! So now it’s pretty much confirmed that people call other people by real names and call animals by silly names. But wait, another map of randomness! Turns out that people in North Dakota, Nebraska, Missouri, Arkansas, Louisiana, Vermont, and Maine like to call their pets Tim, Steve, Jenny, and Sarah. Why are those particular states more likely to call their pets by “regular” names? Just like the last map this map is so random.

Lesson Learned: There’s a conspiracy here and we are gonna get to the bottom of it!

Which would you rather have each year?
One long vacation (38.0%)or Multiple short vacations (62.0%)

What? No random pink states to throw off the statistics and map? Hey, wait a minute, let’s look a little bit closer… is that some pink in Puerto Rico?! And look at this: Arkansas, New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Alaska, and possibly DC are light green! These places like long vacations just a little bit more than everyone else, especially people in PR. Well, people in PR have to fly somewhere every time they go somewhere so obviously the annoyance of potentially dying in a tin can is only worth doing once a year. What about the other light-green-maybe-almost-pink-but-not-quite states? Who knows. Seriously. Why couldn’t this map be random like the other 2 to give us something to theorize about, eh?

Lesson Learned: Flying sucks!

Apparently there was no conspiracy, because as you know – conspiracies come in threes; only two of this week’s three results had the randomly nonsensical maps. Oh well, there’s always next week. Besides, if all three maps had come out looking like alphabet soup it would have been the cause of us losing sleep over why the results had been the way they were – instead we’re perfectly happy to just toss it up to the fact that random results happen. Hopefully it was educational all the same. Till next week!

The Summer Olympic Games Matrix

2008-08-08T15:12:00.006-04:00

No, not that Matrix. So everyone is really excited about the 2008 SummerOlympic Games in Beijing, right? Well maybe this SOG matrix will help you decide which event you want to watch, or, which event you should be watching. Just for the record, yes, table tennis is amazingly entertaining, and yes - guns are dangerous! Oh yea, even though BMX falls under cycling I felt like it needed its own special place in the matrix because of how different it is from other cycling. If you need help figuring out what the symbols/pictograms mean then check out the key here (straight from China).

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-08-03T19:00:00.001-04:00

What’s in a name? Apparently quite a bit! In this week’s EVC results we learn how seriously people take labels and why technology is cool, but only if it’s really small and useless. Read on, friends

Which application would be more useful on a cell phone?
GPS functions (69.7%) or Broadcast TV (30.3%)

You know, even we were a bit confused by this question – and we’re geeks! This is quite a leap from the usual “do you prefer lasagna or hamburgers” poll we are so used to seeing on the EVC. But anyway, it’s a decent question: would you rather chill in one spot watching TV on your phone or use it to find a TV? Considering you can find other things with your GPS too, like strip clubs and the nearest subway station the GPS functionality wins out amongst everyone in the USA – sweet.

Lesson Learned: Using your GPS to find a bigger TV is actually a pretty good idea.

How do your friends address you?
By a nickname (41.2%) or By your given name (58.8%)

We go directly from an all pink dominated map to an all green one. What significance does that have? Absolutely none! These results are interesting however. They remind us of a rarely discussed creature from the Jurassic period – the Stuckupasaurus (see below).

But yea, in general, most people don’t really go by nicknames unless they have nickname-able names, like Bartholomew and, uh, Christopher. Hmm, whatever!

Lesson learned: Nicknames are for kidz.

Do you prefer to take notes . . .
With a pen/pencil (60.7%) or On a PC/laptop (39.3%)

What the F is a pencil? And why are people in Montana so fascinated by them? Sure, females are 14% more likely to be enamored by their own curly Q’s and prefer taking notes (making pretty letters) by hand but why did the digital alternative lose by so much nationwide? Perhaps the EVC crowd isn’t quite as mature as we are led to believe – since high school students rarely take notes with a computer. Maybe it’s the arrogance factor: people who take notes on their computer look like douche-bags who are too busy showing off their Macbooks while they chat with friends instead of paying attention.

Lesson learned: The stigma of using a computer is real. Being a geek is tough!

(World Poll) Have you ever been swimming in the ocean?
Yes (78.8%) or No (21.2%)

The most interesting thing about these results isn’t the fact that “yes” won 80 to 20 but that people in Italy and Greece are afraid of the ocean! Aren’t these countries prime vacation spots for people who are indeed fans of ocean related activities? Oh wait, that’s the Mediterranean Sea, not ocean, woops! Err, ok then. Hey you Venezuelans what’s up with your fear of the ocean? Oh, your coast is actually the Caribbean Sea isn’t it? Woops. Dang, people sure do take their water labels seriously.

Lesson learned: A sea is part of an ocean but an ocean is not part of people’s definition of what a sea is!

So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that names are very important. Whether it be Sea, Ocean, Jimmy, or James – names are serious business so be careful when talking to strangers about the names of things. We also learned that being perceived as a geek by your fellow peers is unacceptable. This is why we need the ability to take notes on cell phones. Heck, if people are willing to use their phone as a GPS surely they will line up around the block to get a phone that lets you take notes on it. Pencils are the devil, friends – beware of lead and graphite!

Kevin Rose isn’t the only one who shaves his head for a bet…

2008-07-28T17:39:00.009-04:00

Kevin Rose, you silly internet celebrity, you. News of Kevin Rose supposedly “shaving” his head for charity recently made its way to the front page of Digg – likely a case of people digging something before actually watching the video clip. If you’ve seen the video (part 1, 2, 3) then you know why Kevin isn’t the only one to use head shaving as a tactic to win a bet. The definition of shave, please?

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-07-27T19:00:00.002-04:00

Intro! Wait, that’s where a piece of super-exciting intro text is supposed to go. Oh, here it is. This week on geeKeWL’s EVC roundup we learn about crooked teeth, naïve voters, and greedy eBay profiteers! Don’t believe us? Well… the proof is literally in the pudding – that is, if the pudding is the next few paragraphs and the proof is in our imagination. Read on would’ya?

Have you ever had braces on your teeth?
Yes (33.2%) or No (66.8%)

So this isn’t the first time that we get a non opinion-based question on the EVC; probably not the last time either. Here at gK we usually held the opinion that these types of questions don’t really belong on the EVC. Why? Well, when you can determine the answer to a question by going to Google (such as with the “Can an elephant purr like a cat?” question) then it sort of defeats the purpose of asking the question on EVC – or does it? The thing is this: even if there’s a “right” answer that doesn’t mean we can’t find out what people think is the right answer, or what people have experienced, etc.

So the majority of people have not had braces; that’s kind of interesting! To us It felt like everyone got braces as a kid, perhaps it’s a northeastern phenomenon?

Lesson Learned: EVC users have naturally straight (crooked?) teeth.

How well do you know the candidates running for president?
Not very well (53.3%) or Know their positions (46.7%)

How well do we have to know to know well? This one split pretty evenly, but why? Are people unable to tell the difference between McCain and Obama? You know… one is old, one is dark skinned, oh wait those aren’t positions they’re dispositions. Woops! What about positions then? One is pro-war, one is anti-war. One is for universal healthcare, one is against it. Is it really so hard to guess which is which?

Maybe the problem isn’t finding a distinction between the candidates but rather determining what their positions actually are at any given moment. Both candidates, heck all politicians in general, are guilty of being very hard to pinpoint when it comes to specific positions on specific issues. When you look at it that way the results start to make sense, in fact they seem to be too generously green if anything!

Lesson learned: Idaho, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Georgia are soooooooo cute.

Have you ever convinced another person to buy a Wii console?
Yes (49.5%) or No (50.5%)

Whoa, this was close! These results are truly fascinating, if for no other reason than their complete randomness. Green states here, pink states there, a pale colored state-an-everywhere! But, actually, only a handful of states went far enough into the “yes” category to go pink on the map. Must be higher a larger population of the EVC residing in pink states such as CA, CO, NY and FL to offset all those dirty Wii-greedy green states. “We dun wanna tell our friends about the Wii cuz we want more for ourselves so we can sell dem on der eBay!” Not quite, but we think we know where the “hip” states are, a-yup.

Lesson learned: Convincing isn’t as effective without monetary influence.

Blam! Multicolored EVC maps FTW! This week was full of ‘em! (Well two outta three aint bad, eh?) Still, we had a nice variety of questions that pretty much confirmed that none of us know, or are sure of, anything (except the lack of metal to ever be glued to our teeth).

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-07-20T19:00:00.000-04:00

What do blogging, Spanish, sharing, and attractive people all have in common? Well, uh, nothing –except they’re all topics covered in this week’s Everybody Votes Channel roundup!

At this time next year, blogging will be . . .
More popular (62.3%) or Less popular (37.7%)

Blogging… hmm, isn’t that what this site is? So everyone thinks blogging is on the up and up, everyone that is except for Colorado, West Virginia, Connecticut, and Rhode Island… huh? What’s up with these states and their irreverence towards blogging? Maybe blogging is fizzling out in these states and they’re on to the next big thing: dlogging. It’s a log of what’s on your mind, but instead of writing it you just scan your brain with a brain scanner and it outputs a log of what you have going on inside of your head. Uh, yea.

Lesson Learned: Blogging is still cool.

Which is more difficult to learn?
A foreign language (76.7%) or A musical instrument (23.3%)

Rosetta Stone would say otherwise but most of the EVC population feels like learning a language is pretty hard compared to learning how to play an instrument. Part of the problem with this question was the lack of detail in what kind of instrument we’re talking about here – some are easier than others you know. But, either way, learning a new language is hard, especially for ND, SD, NE, and MN!

Lesson learned: Playing the triangle is easy!

Sharing an entrée at a restaurant?
Rude (18.6%) or Not rude (81.4%)

Thank you! Thank you EVC population! It’s almost like everyone out there thinks that everyone else out there thinks that doing this is rude, but this proves that no one actually thinks that it is – so start sharing! What fun is it to go to an expensive restaurant and not try your companion’s food? That’s what it’s all about! With food prices the way they are it might be time to start getting 1 entrée for 2 people and sharing it like that. It isn’t rude, dig in!

Lesson learned: Females like donating their food more than males.

(World Poll) Do you like having your photo taken?
Yes (46.7%) or No (53.3%)

Irony strikes again. Aren’t the Japanese known for their avid tourism and photography taking population? Japanese people loveeee to take pictures but apparently hate to have their own picture taken! So, next time you see a Japanese tourist – take their picture. Either they will melt, run away, or beat you up – either way it should be pretty fun. In other news it looks like people in South America are not camera shy at all, perhaps even a bit vain? Either way this was actually a fairly interesting topic for a world question, especially considering how close the results ended up being. USA was somewhere in the middle again.

Lesson Learned: People from South American countries are hot!

So there you have it, another action-packed roundup of EVC results. This week we learned that what the world needs most right now is an international blog, written in Spanish, about the best restaurants to share your dish in. Someone get on that!

If the MGS4 product packaging was honest…

2008-07-16T13:55:00.014-04:00

Everyone knows Metal Gear Solid 4 has a ton of cut scenes, over 90minutes worth by some estimates. So why are Sony and Konami trying to pass this self-congratulatory vision of a single man off as a video game? It’s more of a movie that requires you to interact with it than a game. Not so much because of the in game cinematics but more so because it’s whole creation and existence is ultimately the vision of just one man: Hideo Kojima. Much like a film, where the director’s vision forms the overall look, feel, and message does this game creator’s vision reign over the final product.

Video games are supposed to be about the player. Perhaps this is a breakthrough concept in defining what the video game genre is, but that doesn’t mean it’s actually enhancing the experience of gaming. Personally, I like a game that you can pick up, play for a while, and disengage from. Even if that game is a sequel in a series or part of some larger franchise. Take Halo for example. I’m not saying Halo is the be all end all of gaming but it’s a fun game that you can play, at any point in the series, and enjoy without following all the character development stages or larger storylines. Some might consider this a flaw in the storytelling that Halo attempts but I think that balancing plot, art direction, and interactivity is the key to making a great video game.

Metal Gear isn’t about the average gamer. It’s geared towards fans of the series who know all the characters and twists and turns. Fans who I would guess would ultimately enjoy this game if it were simply a collection of short movies without any interactivity at all. This is Kojima’s vision. It’s your choice if you choose to be a part of it, but he’s going to do what he wants – controller in your hand or otherwise.

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-07-13T19:00:00.002-04:00

Afraid of bowling outdoors? Enjoy green spiders on golf courses? If not, or if so, keep reading to find out what the rest of the EVC population had to say about these crazy random topics!

Bowling or golf? Which is more of an athletic sport?
Bowling (40.8%) or Golf (59.2%)

This question had potential but ultimately it came down to one guy: Tiger Woods. Everyone knows who Tiger Woods is and everyone knows that he is an amazing athlete. Yes, we said it, athlete. Has anyone ever heard of a famous bowler? Let’s be serious, it’s not that bowling doesn’t require a certain physical dexterity but it just isn’t on the same level as golf. The funny thing is Puerto Rico going pink on this one. They have golf courses there so what is the problem?

Lesson Learned: The Puerto Rico Tourism Company needs to update their website.

Are you making a daily attempt to “go green”?
Yes (48.1%) or No (51.9%)

Wow look at the sudden bout of honesty that has infected EVC. Isn’t “going green” the cool thing to do nowadays? Apparently it is for the blue, err pink, states. The green states have another idea about the whole “world is melting” thing. Isn’t it ironic that the states that aren’t going green are actually green on the map? No? We found it amusing. In any case, either all the hippy states are lying or those other states need to get their act together and recycle a can or something. C’mon guys, it’s not that hard.

Lesson learned: Going green is for wussies.

Do you have any phobias (fear of spiders, heights, etc.)?
Yes (71.0%) or No (29.0%)

Ah, do you smell that? That’s the smell of honesty. It’s a sweet, sweet smell. Everyone is afraid of something, even if it’s something small, and insignificant – it counts as a phobia. What’s funny is males are less prone to phobias? Wait, no, males are more prone to lying about not having one! Hah, suckers. We know guys are afraid of all kinds of stuff, number one on that list is probably the wrath of females, so yea, y’all don’t fool us!

Lesson learned: Most common phobia is arachnophobia followed by social phobia.

We made it! Even with all our phobias and fear of sunshine we made it. It really is some kind of miracle. Whew, and now, off to play some Golf! See ya next week on the EVC roundup here at geeKeWL.

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-07-06T19:00:00.001-04:00

Ever had a craving for some rotten fish? You know, not sushi, but something nice and rotted. No? Well, this week we found out that there are some people who act on that craving and can’t get enough. Oh ya, also that EVC voters are a bunch of liars (ok, we knew that already).

Are you ambidextrous?
Yes (24.5%) or No (75.5%)

We seriously doubt that 25% of people are able to use their left and right hands equally, even if they’re Wii users who practice with their Nunchaku every day. Get real. Most likely 80 percent of those pink people didn’t know what ambidextrous even means. From all the statistics we could find on the internet the real statistic is probably more like 1 to 5 percent of people – so it would truly be incredible if the American EVC population is so skilled!

Lesson Learned: Mono-dexterity is a given!

In an elevator, do you stare at the floor numbers or at others?
Display of floor numbers (66.9%) At others (33.1%)

How rude, seriously. Of course they don’t mean getting into an elevator and facing inward from the door and staring everyone down – only people doing sociology experiments are that rude. I think people took this question to mean that they “people watch” while in an elevator. You might as well do something productive with your time - especially if it’s a long ride. Staring, however, is a really strong word that tends to invoke feelings of creepy awkwardness.

Lesson learned: Next time you’re in an elevator, turn around, someone might be watching you!

If it’s a warm, sunny day outside, would you view this with . . .
Optimism (79.6%) Pessimism (20.4%)

Didn’t they already do a glass half full or empty question? And could this question be any longer and more specific? What if it’s warm but not too sunny, or kind of hazy, or warm but later in the evening, then what? So basically this question is trying to ask a question that wouldn’t be very politically correct in a roundabout way: “are you a vampire?” Nintendo is very clever, never underestimate the Nintendo.

Lesson learned: Answer weird questions about the weather to be included in secret market research studies!

(World Poll) At mealtime, which are you more particular about?
Amount (19.7%) or Taste (80.3%)

Isn’t it funny how everyone craps all over the taste of food in England and they end up being 2nd on the list of countries that could give a crap about the taste of food? And what the hell are they eating over in Iceland anyway? Oh yea… sheep heads, rotten shark, ram testicles, seal flippers, and rotten stingray, yum!? Obviously taste isn’t an issue in that country. We also enjoy the fact that males care more about amount than taste – are we really so uncivilized? Perhaps a bit.

Lesson learned: Hákarl, Thorláksmessa, and Þorramatur – oh my!

Another week another set of crazy factoids we have ingested into our brainholes thanks to the EVC. Check back next week for more tidbits of EVC goodness!

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-06-29T19:00:00.001-04:00

This week on the EVC roundup we learn about the presidential candidate’s fates, perspective and reality, and are treated to a little bit of Dickens. Talk about a potpourri of topics!

Do you feel we’re living in . . .
The best of times (51.4%) or The worst of times (48.6%)

Whoa, whoa, hey now Nintendo… don’t go whipping out the Charles Dickens quotes without a little bit of warning first. This one was heavy man. It did get us wondering why the green states think we are living in such troubling times. Does it have to do with military enrollment population in those states? The statistics don’t really support that theory – although they are interesting none the less. So what’s up Florida and Maine, why so bitter? Alaska is looking a healthy shade of pink, maybe you guys need to take a few pointers from them!

Lesson Learned: Some people wish they were alive during the French Revolution, say wha’?

Which do you think there are more of in the world?
Dogs (50.6%) or Cats (49.4%)

Close one, eh? But, this isn’t exactly an opinion based question. More like one of those “let’s see what you think the real answer is” questions. Well, maybe not so much, since supposedly no one knows the true number of cats or dogs in the world. There is however a statistic for how many pet cats and dogs exist in the USA, and cats take the edge on that one according to this little tidbit from Time Magazine – oh wait, it’s from 1953, WTF???

It is interesting to see the split between the warmer/colder states again in another poll. Perhaps cats are a more popular pet in the north and dogs are the pet of choice in the south? We truly do learn something new every weekend from the EVC.

Lesson learned: Knowledge is more about personal experience than universal truth.

Are political debates . . .
Intriguing (31.8%) Boring (68.2%)

Even though 30 percent of people claim that political debates are interesting you’ve got o figure that at least half of those people were voting with someone else in the room and just wanted to look smart so they voted pink. It’s pretty much a unanimous decision – debates are boring. So what is to be done? It’s high time for the old-school political debate to evolve into something more modern. It would be something edgy and fun, perhaps with gladiators and video games making an appearance to spice things up. How about a physical challenge in between each round of verbal debating?

Lesson learned: McCain doesn’t stand a chance!

That’s all she wrote, she being Nintendo, and he being us here at gK. What are we talking about? Who knows. Sorry this was posted late!

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-06-22T19:00:00.000-04:00

In this week’s EVC roundup we take a look at the deeper side of the poll results. It wasn’t really our intention but the questions were so gosh darn silly on the surface that we simply had no choice but to take it to the next level.

Which is more important to exercise daily?
Your mind (55.4%) or Your body (44.6%)

Well, this one was pretty close… but… last we checked the mind was part of the body. OK, so maybe it was meant in that transcendental out-of-body way, like your being/soul/spirit/etc. Fair enough. If you look at this question that way it gets really deep really fast doesn’t it? Who are we kidding: anything we say about the results here won’t really make any sense anyway… although why are Montana, Wyoming, and Oklahoma so enlightened?

Lesson learned: Mind over body. I think therefore I am. Mind FTW.

A friend tells a lie, and you’re asked to confirm their story. Do you . . .
Lie for them (45.7%) or Tell the truth (54.3%)

This is great. It really is. There just isn’t any other way to describe this question and the obviously region-centric results that it generated. People from New York, Massachusetts, and Connecticut are the only three states where a majority of the EVC population would lie for their friends. Surprisingly NJ is not part of this list. gK, being based out of this area would like to take a stab at explaining why. Why? Hmm… we’re godless. Wait, no, we’re loyal. Is it possible to be loyal and immoral? In the northeast – it is. On the flipside why is the rest of the country so unwilling to help a buddy out? Cold man, cold.

Lesson learned: Never trust anyone.

A picture is . . .
Worth a thousand words (58.6%) or An eternal moment (41.4%)

Really? An eternal moment? This was a national question wasn’t it? Who on earth uses that term to describe a picture? Isn’t that just another way to describe a picture? Like, if an alien landed on Earth and asked you what a picture was you would try to explain it to him by saying “Oh, a picture is an eternal moment. Captured on a piece of paper, which is like this really thin slice of wood, which comes from trees, which grow on the ground, which is made of dirt, which…,” you get the idea. So once again, a simple little question becomes so much more. Nintendo isn’t asking us what we think a picture is because we all agree on that. They’re asking us if we like to refer to pictures in a sentimental kitschy way or in a boring dictionary-like way. Deep.

Lesson learned: We love us some sayings.
“It is better to be quotable than to be honest.” – Tom Stoppard

So that’s all for this week’s EVC round-up. I hope everyone feels the same way we do about the EVC and how deep and enlightening these results truly are. They are powerful, spiritual results to live life by – or not.

Firefox 3 - Software Review

2008-06-17T23:00:00.001-04:00

Firefox 3 was released today. It’s the moment us geeks have all been waiting for since the dawn of the Internet, or at least since the dawn of Firefox 2 and the inevitability that a faster, slicker, more awesome version was going to be released eventually. The level of expectations for this thing were huge, could it possibly live up to the hype?

The answer is: sort of. Now, this isn’t going to be an in-depth review of Firefox 3 and all of its claimed 15,000 improvements. No, I’ll save that stuff for all the other, “legitimate,” review sites. Instead I’m just going to run down a few things I’ve noticed in my short time with FF3, both good and bad.

The Good:

Speed! Whoa. This thing is fast. Seriously fast. Pages load fast, Javascript compiles fast, Flash movies respond better, it’s just fast.

Memory usage really has been improved. Right now as I type this I have both FF3 and IE7 opened up. I have 3 tabs open in each and IE7 is using about 30MB more memory. I started playing a Flash-based video in both and IE7 memory usage jumps to over 100MB over FF3. It’s not perfect in that it does occasionally begin to use too much memory requiring a restart but that is not to say that it isn’t leaps and bounds better than anything currently out there (at least for Windows.)

It looks a little bit more professional. Firefox 2 always had this “homemade” quality to it. It wasn’t bad but it just didn’t feel like it was on the same level as IE as far as design. Sure, you had your themes – which were great, but the base theme was a bit bare. The base theme is now catered to your OS and just has that certain something to make the user feel like they’re using a finely polished product.

The “awesome bar” or address bar is pretty cool. It remembers parts of URL’s and adapts to the user based on where they’ve been and what they’ve typed. Who am I kidding? I have no idea about how it actually works but it is spiffy.

Other features you find as you use it more and more. I haven’t stumbled upon too many of these yet but one which I did find which I love is that it saves your tabs. I’ve always wanted this feature. When you close FF3 it now asks you if you’d like it to save the tabs you currently have open for next time. To get this behavior with FF2 I would actually “end task” FF3 in program manager so that it would recover my tabs from the previous session. Now I can just close it and say “yes.” Sweet!

The Bad:

Weird rendering issues are present. I’ve been to a few pages where certain type shows up in strange hues and sometimes isn’t as crisp as it should and would be in Windows FF2/IE7. It’s almost as if its trying to anti-alias the text but failing.

It’s too fast? Uh, I know this sounds weird but I have noticed that with certain AJAX elements where they are coded to load as the page loads they will sometimes load before the content of the page loads itself and show up in the wrong place on the page. It sounds crazy but I’ve never seen it happen with certain sites in other browsers but with FF3 it happens. It’s rare but it happens.

I’m not sure if any of this stuff is just my unfortunate luck or inability to use FF3 but I have noticed a few things which don’t amuse me much at all. Aside from the things I mentioned above I’ve also noticed that some of my bookmarks didn’t make it from FF2. It’s a really random selection of bookmarks too, like maybe from a certain date forward. Not cool. Another weird one: when I click my bookmark for YouTube it takes me to the UK site. I definitely downloaded the US version of Firefox: my about window says “en-US.” I’ve also noticed some of my saved passwords are gone. It’s pretty random but those are definitely bugs that shouldn’t exist considering how long they’ve been tweaking this thing.

Conclusion

Overall, it’s been a good experience – so far. The speed alone would be enough for me to keep using it forever and ever. The glitches are annoying but I’ll get over most of them, except maybe the weird font rendering issue. Firefox is truly a great browser and anyone who wants to experience the Internet the way it was “meant” to be experienced should be using this latest iteration. Microsoft has a lot of catching up to do with IE8 but more than anything I wish they would somehow banish IE6 from existence first :)

Jo Garcia Wii Fit Video Found!

2008-06-16T21:45:00.008-04:00

So, by now everyone has seen the “original” “Wii Fit Girl” video which Nintendo claims to have no connection to. Now we have the professional take on hot girls playing Wii Fit from Playboy in their “The Perfect Fit” series. This series is creating a little bit of a stir on the Internet today (as you can see in the comments from the previous link) but the real question is where is the true NSFW version? Is there even one? At first we here at gK figured there wasn’t one and PB just wanted to get people to sign up for their Cyberclub to see other naughty pics of Jo. Turns out there is a video – and it’s pretty darn sweet! Just a disclaimer: geeKeWL is not affiliated with Playboy or wherever this video is currently hosted, we are merely providing a link to something we found.

So, here it is. Enjoy. (Another warning: video contains nudity!)

Get your Wii Fit and rock out like Jo!

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-06-15T19:00:00.003-04:00

In this week’s roundup we learn about a future war that may break out in Europe between two regions which have very strong conflicting convictions about plant life and other miscellaneous silly business.

A glass half full, or a glass half empty?
Half full (71.1%) or Half empty (28.9%)

Aren’t we an optimistic bunch here in the good ‘ol US of A. Yes indeed. How nice. This is just a shot in the dark but are these actually the statistics of how many EVC users are voting with at least one other person (pink) versus voting alone (green)? That’s a bit cynical, huh? OK, ok… we’re just a happy bunch. Fair enough. Although there is one other thing: the dead-dinosaur factor. See chart below for details:

Lesson learned: Dead soldiers in Iraq may not make you sad but dead dinosaurs will.

How many digits of Pi can you recite?
Five numbers or fewer (68.8%) or Six numbers or more (31.2%)

Liars. That’s what those 31 percent of people are. Did they even check? 3.14159.. umm.. that’s only five. People actually know what comes next? Don’t most people only know 3.14? Maybe they were thinking of digits of pie. What the heck are those though? Is that, like, how many digits you use to pick up a piece of pie? Wait, but that’s also 5 or less, unless you have a mutated hand or use 2 hands to eat pie. Whoa, that was a random tangent. Anyway. At least females are a bit more honest here. Yeesh.

Lesson learned: Men don’t ask for directions because men know all maps by heart.

Do you still own a record player?
No, what’s that? (68.7%) or Yes (31.3%)

Yea, what is that? Is that what they were asking? If we know what a record player is, or if we own one? And what is a record player anyway? Might as well just ask us if we own phonographs. It’s technically feasible. The map is fairly irrelevant and the question is fairly silly but thanks for playing.

Lesson learned: 30% of people are junk collectors. Nice!

(World Poll) Do you have plants?
Yes (74.0%) or No (26.0%)

Hey Japan, scared of horny-tentacle-monster-plants much? That can’t be it, right? Those monsters are squid-like anyway. Maybe they just think that calling a Bonsai tree a “plant” is insulting, or whatever Nintendo ended up calling it on the Japanese EVC. May they just don’t have room for plants in Japan; with all the sleeping in quadruple bunk beds and such space must be reserved for humans only. We’re not quite sure what’s going on in Japan but it is quite interesting. Check out all the Germanic countries and their love for plants, what’s that all about? Oh and all the Scandinavian countries are down there with Japan and their hatred for plants, but at least they have an excuse: it’s too cold to take care of houseplants (or something.)

Lesson learned: The war of plants will be fought between DE, AT, LU and NO, SE, FI – otherwise known as the ATLUDE/FINOSE Conflict.

Well, that’s all for this week’s geeKeWL EVC roundup. We hope you had fun because we sure did. What side will you fight for in the ATLUDE/FINOSE conflict? How many digits of π can you recite? How many pixels make up a 12pt Arial type non-antialiased version of pi? First person to comment with the correct answer gets a prize.

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-06-08T19:00:00.001-04:00

Have you ever felt like the EVC National Results map tends to be the opposite of what you might expect it to be? No? Really? This week threw us for a loop!

When was the last time you rode a bicycle?
Recently (45.6%) or A long time ago (54.4%)

So let’s use common sense to guess what the map should look like. Warmer states have more days in the year when bicycle riding would be appropriate / possible thus the lower half of the map should be pinker, right? Wrong! In fact it turned out to be the exact opposite. WTF? Must be all those mountains… or hippies… or both!

Lesson learned: The console of choice for mountain bikers is the Nintendo Wii.

Which are more bothersome?
Mosquitoes (75.7%) or Houseflies (24.3%)

Hey, it’s common-sense-logic-time again! Warmer states have more mosquitoes so they must surely think they’re more bothersome than flies, yes? No. This one was closer but it was reversed yet again. The colder, northern states are darker pink which implies they were more unanimous in their hatred for mosquitoes. This one really is a bit boggling. Here’s our nutty theory: Mosquitoes are rare in the colder states so when one is spotted inhabitants freak out and wage large battles against them because they’re afraid of them thus these people find mosquitoes WAY more annoying than common houseflies.

Lesson learned: No one likes a bloodsucker.

Have you ever used your cell phone to surf the Internet before?
Rarely/never (77.9%) or Frequently (22.1%)

Well, well, well. Apparently us Wii users aren’t as tech-savvy as we pretend to be. Pretty much no one uses their cell phone to surf the net. What happened to all you iPhone junkies? Did you spend all your money on the iPhone + service plan? Woops. The best part is that 50% of people guessed wrong and think that a majority of people DO surf the net on their phone. It sure seems that way. Now if they had included texting as part of “surfing” in this question the results would most definitely have been reversed but as of now we Americans are just way too cheap to surf the net on our phones.

Lesson learned: Most people actually don’t have an iPhone. Go figure.

This was a fun week of curveballs and double-takes on the EVC. You really do learn something new every time you check out the results. The EVC is fun and educational! geeKeWL makes it “funner” and “educationaler.” Is there such a thing as too much of a good thing?

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-06-01T19:00:00.006-04:00

This week on the EVC we learn that even the Nintendo Wii is not immune to stereotypes

I prefer to look at a . . .
Digital clock (79.4%) or Analog clock (20.6%)

Isn’t it comforting to know that even during these troubled times we live in, with our polarizing presidential candidates and ideological wars being waged, that there is still something we can all agree on. Digital clocks are way easier to read. Thank goodness! If you’re wondering what all the light pink states are about: they like to keep it classy sometimes.

Lesson learned: It really is hard to remember which one the minute hand is.

Do you feel you’re up to date on current world events?
Yes/somewhat (65.9%) or Not at all (34.1%)

This question is quite a mouthful. So, what ever happened to Miss South Carolina and the made up statistics in the question she was asked? Supposedly 20% of "U.S. Americans" can’t locate the USA on a map, yet over 60% of ‘em know what’s going on in the rest of the world? This poll is more of a testament to our incredible egos rather than our incredulous amount of knowledge when it comes to world affairs. As long as we think we know what’s going on, right?

Lesson learned: Our future is being built up one Wii vote at a time.

Do you consider yourself more of a . . .
Messy person (51.7%) or Neat person (48.3%)

An almost 50/50 split, with males being just a tad more honest than females – until you look at the map. The map is mostly pink which means that most states had slightly more votes for “messy” except for one that stands out from the rest: North Dakota. What on earth is going on in ND? This might sound funny to some of you but we here at gK think we’ve cracked the mystery. According to the Wikipedia entry on ND (which in turn got this information from the U.S. Census Bureau) the two largest ancestry groups in ND are German and Norwegian. Call it a coincidence but aren’t Germans known for their orderliness and organizational skills?

Lesson learned: The best place to get your BMW fixed is Bismark.

(World Poll) How many times a day do you brush your teeth?
2 or more (59.5%) or 1 or less (40.5%)

So the old rule about brushing your teeth after every meal isn’t an American concept according to the latest EVC world poll. In fact the USA was somewhere in the middle of the pack when it comes to brushing 2 times or more per day. Would anyone have guessed that South America is actually the leading region in the world for multiple-brushing? Now we know. We also know that females brush their teeth more than males but everyone knows that guys and hygiene don’t mix.

Lesson learned: Beans make your breath stinky!

That’s all for our EVC analysis this week. If anyone has taken offense to our unconventional method of deciding why the maps look the way they do: don’t. Censorship is boring. This is simply something to think about. Nothing is 100% and the EVC community is roughly only 0.1% of the world’s population so keep your underwear un-bunched.

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-05-25T19:00:00.008-04:00

This week on EVC we explore the phenomenon of the irrationally diverse results map.

I’m better at . . .
Swimming (47.6%) or Running (52.4%)

Wouldn’t it be great if we could say that the states who went pink in this poll are states that have amazing swimming programs or are the homes of the finest Olympic swimmers? It would, but that isn’t the case (Michael Phelps is from Maryland, Amanda Weir is from Minnesota.) This map represents something truly remarkable actually: an absolutely random set of answers. Thinking you’re better at swimming or running isn’t effected by your geographic location. One would think that the southern states have more swimmers because of the weather but apparently the advent and dispersion of the heated swimming pool has eliminated that discrepancy. At lease we’ve learned that females think they are better at swimming than running. I wonder if there’s any truth to that, or do they just like wearing swimsuits more than running shorts?

Lesson learned: Girls like to get wet.

How would you describe your daily diet?
Healthy (48.5%) or Unhealthy (51.5%)

Another 50/50 split. In this day of heightened health consciousness one would think that more Wii users would respond with “healthy.” They are hip and cool and health-savvy, guess not. As far as geography goes let’s just say it’s safe to assume that the Northeast is simply unable to live with any other concept of eating besides healthy. We at gK know that this area of the USA is hyped up on the health-food scene, heck - we are the scene, so that part of the map makes sense. But, why is Colorado, Oregon and Florida pink? Colorado is full of yuppies so that’s that and Florida is full of senior citizen Wii users… obviously. What about Oregon? Must be the hazelnuts.

Lesson learned: Old people like Wii.

Do you believe horoscopes are accurate?
Yes (26%) or No (74%)

Really? A quarter of the EVC population thinks randomly generated blurbs about how your day will go are accurate? And the number is even higher in the most cynical state, NY? We truly do learn something new every week on the EVC, thank you Nintendo.

Lesson learned: 75% of females don’t actually believe in horoscopes and astrology. Wow.

That’s all for our EVC roundup this week. Hopefully you learned something, or maybe more (things.)

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-05-18T19:00:00.006-04:00

This week on EVC we dive into poorly worded, silly, and trick questions. Pretty much your typical week of EVC.

I prefer to . . .
Save loose change (66.4%) or Spend loose change (33.6%)

So, here’s what happened: most people realized that to actually buy anything other than a stick of gum (can you even do that?) with loose change you would have to save it, thus pink wins this round. But seriously, if it’s loose, isn’t it already saved? Saved in-between your couch cushions and under the seat of your car. Wouldn’t it have been better if they hadn’t used the word “loose?” Sometimes less is more Mr. Nintendo.

Have you ever celebrated National Corn-Dog Day?
Yes (6.7%) or No (93.3%)

I think the numbers speak for themselves. This question is absurd.

Can an elephant purr like a cat?
Yes (29.5%) or No (70.5%)

OK. We’ve figured out what’s going on here. This is a test: a psychological test courtesy of your friends at Nintendo. They’re seeing if people will say yes to a question even if they know that it’s a ridiculously impossible answer to their ridiculously ridiculous question. Come on, elephants purring? What? At least ask us if an elephant can paint. Or how about, are elephants afraid of mice?

Well, guess what. This question wasn’t the typical “no right answer” type of question. Apparently elephants communicate by purring and the EVC was just trying to find out how many us knew that, or thought we knew it. Still kinda whack. Check out all the people who “cheated.” Nice.

(World Poll) Are you doing anything to counter global warming?
Yes (57.6%) or No (42.4%)

Anything sure can be anything with this one. Recycling a soda can or using a reusable shopping bag, so it’s not surprising that “yes” won out. What is surprising is that the USA was at the bottom end of the country list for “no.” Not in the bottom 4 but pretty close to it. What the hell America, isn’t global warming our game? Perhaps people just think they need to do something crazy to “counter” it?

That’s all for this week’s EVC extravaganza. Tune in next Sunday for more inane commentary and post your thoughts and prayers in the meantime.

Everybody Votes Channel - Results

2008-05-11T19:00:00.015-04:00

There seems to be a shortage of websites that keep track of the results from the Everybody Votes Channel on the Wii so we've decided to step up to the plate and attempt to keep track of the EVC using screenshots and salty commentary. The first post (this one) will backtrack a bit and from this point forward, every Sunday, GK will post up the latest results.

On to the screenshots (clicking one will open up a larger version which includes a lightbox/gallery feature to browse through all the screenshots of that particular post):

Have you traveled further than 100 miles to attend a sporting event?
Yes (40.4%) or Never (59.5%)

The results from this question should be easy to analyze. All the pink regions are states which don’t happen to have any professional sports teams in their state: Montana, Wyoming, N. Dakota, S. Dakota, Nebraska, Iowa, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, and W. Virginia. But hey, wait, there are other states that don’t have pro teams (see interesting map here and here) like Idaho, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Delaware, South Carolina, Kansas (apparently the Kansas teams play for Missouri), Nevada, Virginia, Wyoming, Alaska, and Hawaii. Why aren’t these states pink on the map? For some it’s simply too far, other’s its closer than 100 miles, but for the rest we’re just going to assume that they don’t care to root for another state’s team in person because they’d rather have their own! Although, let’s be honest: people in Idaho are definitely too busy growing potatoes to be worrying about sports.

Which leads to more personal success?
Who you know (41.1%) or What you know (57.9%)

Nationally everyone seems to agree that what you know is the key to success. GK is impressed at the lack of cynicism that Americans possess. If you talk to anyone in the business world they’ll all tell you the same thing: “It’s not what you know but who you know!” Perhaps the EVC community lacks a majority of people who have an MBA or maybe the world isn’t as evil as everyone claims it is? Maybe most voters don’t define success as a high paying job and the corner office but a loving family? However it would be pretty hard to apply these 2 answer options to that vision of success. What’s interesting is only 50% of people guessed correctly: so all the cynical people think everyone else isn’t and vice-a-versa?!

If you could fast-forward time, would you?
Yes (46.2%) or No (52.8%)

Everyone seems pretty split on this one. It is, after all, a deeply personal psychological question… or something. The interesting thing to note is NY, NJ, DC, and DE responses. Sure, they aren’t dark pink but they still had a majority of responses in the “yes” category. This statistic is attributed to what we call the GTA syndrome. The ambitious residents of these states regret all the evil GTA-like things they have done in their lifetimes and want to fast-forward to the end of the game where you own all the property and have all the money. Females don’t play as much GTA as men hence the 10% lower results for “yes.”

I’d prefer to live in a house that has a . . .
Swimming pool (54.3%) or Large backyard (45.7%)

Another fairly even split here except for a few choice northern states. Although their populations are too low to influence the national numbers enough to swing their choice into the majority it is clear that people who already have large backyards didn’t get them by accident. On the other front: people in Alabama really, really want a freakin’ swimming pool (indoor preferably.)

Do you prefer rain or snow?
Rain (35.8%) or Snow (64.2%)

People want what they can’t have, or don’t have much of, or just what they don’t have too much of. The map get’s greener as you go further south and so does the temperature and the amount of snow these places get. Coincidence? We think not. You should note that females enjoy rain more than males. This is because of things like the rain scene in “The Notebook.” Yep, that’s pretty much it.

Do you ride to work/school . . .
Alone (50.1%) or In a car pool/bus (49.9%)

What about mass transit? Is that like a really organized car pool? Predictably people assumed this was the case as the Tri-state and DC-metro areas are heavily green with their superb public transportation systems. We here at GK are not as well-versed in the public transportation system of Washington state but apparently it’s good enough to give the state a bright green color on the EVC map! We’re also going to have to assume that a lot of poorer people in Georgia & Illinois are using the public transit system in Atlanta & Chicago enough to sway those states to green. Feel free to chime in with their observations/analysis... this one is kinda interesting.

Which do you prefer?
Cake (60%) or Pie (39.3%)

One word for you: Portal. There will be cake. Oh yea, F you and your pies Vermont!

Would you continue to work if you won the lottery?
Yes (56.1%) or No (43.9%)

Well, well, well… turns out that most EVC users are bat-shit nuts. Why else would over half of people respond “yes” to this question? Why? Are they assuming that the lottery in question is a small jackpot or something? Dream big people. 50 million dollars. How’s that? Will you quit now? Maybe they just read the question wrong. Yea. That must be it. They read it as “Would you quit work if you won the lotto?” That’s how most people assume the question would be phrased anyway. Now it makes sense.

Well. That’s all for this roundup. Check the next post for the latest EVC results and in-depth analysis!

geeKeWL is on Technorati

2008-04-04T14:12:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone, we're on Technorati now.

Say what?

2008-03-22T16:12:00.005-04:00

So, have you ever wondered if the way you pronounce certain things is correct? What is correct anyway? pah-tay-toe / puh-tah-toe, etc. No, I don’t mean common words which get pronounced based on the region you find them uttered… I mean names of companies that have themselves established a correct way to pronounce their own names. The problem is that with a lot of companies we never really get to hear the “official” pronunciation in everyday life, unless it’s McDonalds “Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?” or Wal-Mart “Welcome to Wal-Mart, bla bla bla?” This is especially true with international companies where their pronunciation is sometimes different in their native tongue.

The reason I bring this up is because today I was watching a video review of the new Asus Eee. I know, whoa, what? First of all, if you don’t already know, Asus is a huge Chinese computer company. If you have an HP computer then your motherboard is most likely built by them. The Eee is their new lightweight subnotebook thing. All of this is fine and dandy, what got to me was the pronunciation of Asus by the journalists. They said Aye-soos (rhymes with obtuse), not Aye-suss (rhymes with bus). What on earth? So I investigated and found an official Asus commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JG3SiaErfGM. I guess I’ve been wrong my entire life referring to my motherboard as an aye-suss, it’s actually a soos. So suess me!

This got me thinking, what other companies are we pronouncing incorrectly? I decided to come up with a little list (people love lists, it’s a fact!):

Porsche.
Oh man there is a whole subculture devoted to how this name is pronounced. First, let’s go to the videotape: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRbzJ0L1Zn8. If you’re not into the sentimental stuff you can skip to 2:15. So, it’s settled right? Pore-shuh. Done. Not quite. The proper way to pronounce Porsche is definitely the way they do at the end of that commercial but over the years a certain stigma has attached itself to that variation of the name. Snootiness and snobbery come to mind. Those of us who wish to refer to the iconic brand without sounding like we just got back from getting our $300 haircuts prefer the subtly-sublime Pore-shh (rhymes with, uhh… borscht but without the t.) So, yea, I guess it all depends on how you want to come off sounding (arrogant or ignorant?)

IKEA.
Honestly I never thought that there was another way to say IKEA but apparently there are at least 4 ways: eye-key-uh, eye-kay-uh, ee-key-ah, ee-kay-ah, plus all the combinations you can make out of those. In any case it turns out that IKEA is actually an acronym the founder Ingvar Kamprad made up using his own name and the farm where he was born. So now we’re talking about how to pronounce an acronym and everyone knows that there is no proper way to pronounce an acronym name: IBM, LG, UPS or 3M anyone? (ih-biyumm, leh-jee, oops, and thream!) But Ikea is actually pronounceable and they have gone so far as to take an official stance on how it should be pronounced in English-speaking regions: it rhymes with idea. Ok then. Not like anyone was thinking of calling it Icky-yeah or something…

Ubisoft.
This one still irks me because for a while I was actually convinced that I was wrong when I really wasn’t. Ubisoft is a French company that makes some really popular video games like the Tom Clancy series, Rayman, Assassin’s Creed, you name it. I always thought they were called You-bee-soft until going to E3 one year and hearing a lot of talk about Ooh-bee-soft. I thought it must be a French thing. Maybe it is because this “official” explanation from some local Ubisoft developers says otherwise: http://multiplayerblog.mtv.com/2007/09/17/how-to-pronounce-ubisoft-the-official-explanation.
Maybe it’s different in France but you-bee-bet I’m gonna stick with You-bee-soft and be done with it.

Hyundai.
Yea another car company, but this one seems to throw me off all the time when it comes up in conversation:

friend: “Hey so I was thinking of going with the new Hyundai, they have a great warranty!”
me: “Yeah there’s a reason Hun-dies, err, Hun-days, umm, Hi-yoon-days, you know… those Korean automotive masterpieces come with such an extended warranty! Actually, I’ve heard they’re a lot better nowadays.”

So, which way is correct? http://youtube.com/watch?v=bk9mB2iY7a4. Hun-day it is! Although sometimes it’s fun to go Hi before You and Die, you know? No? I could probably write a whole post focusing on car companies so I’ll just stop now.

Ralph Lauren.
Is this another case of people pronouncing a name differently to sound haughty? I believe so. According to this article in the WSJ the correct way to pronounce American designers is to be blunt and just say it how you see it. So it probably isn’t Ralph Luh-wren but just Ralph Law-ren. Dee-en’d.

What have we learned? That some companies are secretive and don’t want to choose a stance on how their name is pronounced, while several simply change based on your location, others get mispronounced by people who want to sound self-important, and finally there are some establishments who want you to pronounce their name any which way you please, like us: Gee-Cool or Geek-cool? You decide.